More often than not, ending a relationship is a messy affair. This is in spite of the fact that ending relationships is something most people have plenty of experience with. From teenage onwards, people are ending relationships owing to emotional issues. Most would have gained a lot of experience in this matter by the time they reach adulthood.
The pity is that all this experience often does not lead to more lasting and compatible relationships. Even in adulthood, people who have no hope of living together get into relationships that then involve constant fights. Many end the relationship ultimately, typically in a messy manner. Others might go on tolerating the situation till the ends of their unhappy lives.
The sensible to do is to analyze the breakups and find why these happen in your case. Use the insights of the analysis to carefully select relationships that are likely to be more compatible and last longer. And do your own part to make it so, making a few changes in your approach that will usually be necessary.
However, people do not mostly act in sensible ways, instead letting instant emotions take them over. In such a situation, messy relationships are quite common. If you are in such a situation, how do you handle it?
First of all, find a time and place to think calmly. Analyze your current relationship. Can something really be done to improve it? Or are you two too different to get along with each other? If the first of these alternatives is a real possibility, do what is necessary and improve it. For example, have a frank talk and resolve the more serious issues.
If the analysis reveals that improvement is not a realistic possibility, then it is better to end the relationship sooner rather than later. But do it in a way that does not worsen the messiness. Trying to exact revenge by ending the relationship using actions that hurt your partner no end is just plain silly and immature. It is not likely to create a good image about you even in your own mind (unless you are some kind of a criminal type).
If you are like most people, a normal person who happens not to be perfect, then the best option is to take particular care to end the relationship as gracefully as possible. Explain the situation to your partner. Keep absolute control over yourself and don’t say things that will hurt the other person. Mention particularly those positives that had in fact made you start the relationships originally.
But do explain why the relationship cannot continue. Don’t let the other person talk you out of it if there is no realistic possibility of improvement. Tell the person that he or she cannot make too many changes for your sake; that it will not work in the long-term; and that it is better for both to end the relationship.
While not being easy, ending a relationship might be the only realistic option in many cases.
